The Song List: Part 1

Anyone that knows me knows that I love music. No, I can't play an instrument- I can't even read sheet music, but I love listening to it. For me, when I listen to music I like to listen to the lyrics before I listen to the actual music, and because of this it is hard for me to listen to a lot of the music that is popular at the moment. What I mean by this is that there are many of the songs that are currently played on the radio. Luckily, there are some songs that I have heard that I think are positive in lyrics and actually carry meanings with them, not just sharing how much they want to "'love' you" (as the new Enrique Iglesias song states).

What I've been thinking about for a while is starting a section of my blog talking about the songs that I have heard recently that I think share a positive message, and I want to do this because it's sad for me to say that there aren't many of them. In this section, my goal is to highlight and celebrate these songs- here is part 1 containing my own interpretations of them.

1. Bruno Mars - Just the Way You Are

I picked this song because there is so much meaning behind it that it would be ridiculous for me not to. In this song, Bruno talks about a woman that he thinks is "amazing just the way [she is]". The thing that I love about this song is that throughout it, Bruno is telling the woman that he thinks she is beautiful and what he loves about her and doesn't think that she needs to change at all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjhCEhWiKXk

2. Katy Perry - Firework

Finding out that there was a Katy Perry song that had real meaning in it was surprising (I'm not going to lie), but it was a very pleasant surprise. The thing about this song is that it is celebrating everyone who thinks that they weren't good enough and saying that they were. When I'm driving in my car and I hear this song, I almost get tears. The reason: because it means so much to me. It asks the question of "did you ever feel like you weren't good enough?" and then tells you that you are. This makes me feel like I mean something in the world and am not just another number in the population.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGJuMBdaqIw

3. P!nk - Raise Your Glass

This song is hard for me to figure out, but something about it really gets me. "Raise your glass if you are wrong, in all the right ways" is- for me, hard to explain, but there it makes me feel good. When I listen to this song, I feel like my beliefs and what I fight for is what I am supposed to be doing and makes me feel powerful. The music video definitely helps build on this feeling.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjVNlG5cZyQ

4. B.O.B. feat. Hayley Williams - Airplanes

You can't help but wish that there were more stars in the sky than planes when you hear this song. Even though this song isn't really talking about anything positive, it is asking for something positive to happen. The real part that I like about this song is the chorus: "can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?" There is something beautiful yet sad about this question, but the reason for asking it is because the singer wishes for something better than what exists right now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kn6-c223DUU

5. Adam Lambert - Whataya Want From Me

I really enjoy listening and singing to this song. Why? Because there is real meaning. Adam finally asks the question: what do you actually want from me? What can I do that will make you happy enough to accept me? It confronts the people that don't accept you and finally makes you ask what exactly it is that they can't accept. For me, it is stepping back and telling people that you see that they don't like something about you and are calling them out about it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1Fqn9du7xo

I am aware that songs have different meanings to everyone, but these are my interpretations of these songs and how they make me feel. I hope that they make you feel as good as they make me feel.

Can't carry it with you if you want to survive.

Why did I have to go through all this to get to this point in my life? I've asked myself this question so many times, but I keep reminding myself of one thing: I wouldn't be where I am now, or who I am, without the things that I've gone through. I won't make myself a sob story, nor will I say I've had the roughest life, because I know I haven't. What I will do right now is share a little bit about my growing up and how I've gotten to the point that I have.

By the time I was in Kindergarten my parents were divorced; they fought all the time, and most of my childhood has been lost to the black-hole that is my memory, most likely lost so that I don't remember. My brothers and I would go over to my father's house every weekend, and this was usually the only time that we got to see him over the week. I remember crying every time my dad dropped me off at elementary school, without fail, and thinking how that might be the last time I would get to see him- grim I know, but it's what I feared. I grew up with yelling and fighting, a bad relationship with my mother, and then a loss of a relationship with my dad. This is my life in a nutshell.

Lately I've been asking myself why I had to go through all of this. As I said earlier, it could have been worse, but this is what I've gone through and this is what has made me who I am. Until recently I was afraid of getting married, looking at it as simply a warning to get a prenup and something that would soon end in two people splitting their assets up in a courtroom. In addition to this, I saw kids as small people that would get hurt from the breakup of their parents. At the moment, I'm indifferent to marriage and children- whatever happens, happens is my motto right now. But I've seen a certain side of these topics, and because of that it's molded my viewpoint in this way.

Even though this is how I grew up during my childhood, I've grown up in the years after elementary and middle school. After beginning to find myself, I got to make choices of my own. I ultimately chose what I would do in the day (be it a good choice or bad) and who I would end up being friends with in addition to simply who I would meet.

There was one guy that I met who told me he didn't want to be friends with me because I was ugly. There were friends that lied to me about parties that I wasn't invited to. There were people that didn't take me seriously or just pretended that I didn't ask whatever it was that I asked. There were people that told me no, and to move on. There were people who made me feel bad by making fun of me or even those that told me I didn't matter and called me names.

I am aware that those instances were bad, but there is a reason for that and it is simply because these people have made me stronger. The one who called me ugly made me realize I'm beautiful, the ones that lied showed me who my real friends were, the ones that ignored me made me be louder, the ones that told me no showed me there is more than I thought, and the ones that called me names taught me how to deflect.

The ones that have given me the hardest times are the ones that have helped me be the strongest. If it weren't for these people, if it weren't for the experiences that I have gone through, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. The person writing in this blog wouldn't be here, and these thoughts would be shared by someone else, or perhaps, wouldn't even be shared at all. Do I wish that I hadn't had to go through some of the things that I have, seen some of the things I've seen, or know those that have hurt me? Yes, I can't sit here being honest and lie about that, but I can honestly say that, at the same time, I'm happy to have been put through these things. I wouldn't be the person that I am, I wouldn't be where I am, and I wouldn't have the dreams, the wants, or the will to do things that I have now. I wouldn't have the fight in me, the strength, or the beliefs that I have today without all of these experiences.

I remind myself every day that I am happy for what I've gone through, no matter how bad it was, is, or will get because I know one thing: that without these experiences I wouldn't be the person that I have come to love, nor would I be as proud of myself as I am sitting here now, as you read this.

Glee Cast - Dog Days Are Over (Glee Version)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxLgE2UEWPc&feature=related

Cover yourself with makeup in the mirror.

In my previous post, I mentioned that I was in a Sociology class that focuses on Social Work. A few weeks ago, each student was assigned to write a paper about a social welfare issue that interested us. After writing the paper, we would present our topic to the class; one of the students in my class wrote about domestic violence. This is major issue that effects more people than we realize, both women AND men. I just wanted to share the poem that this student read at the beginning of her presentation, since I had read it a few years ago and I realized that when I had heard it again, it still left a huge impact on me.

"I Got Flowers Today"

I got flowers today.

It wasn't my birthday or any other special day.

We had our first argument last night,

And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me.

I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said.

Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.

It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.

Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.

It seemed like a nightmare.

I couldn't believe it was real.

I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.

I know he must be sorry.

Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today,

and it wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day.

Last night, he beat me up again.

And it was much worse than all the other times.

If I leave him, what will I do?

How will I take care of my kids?

What about money?

I'm afraid of him and scared to leave.

But I know he must be sorry.

Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.

Today was a very special day.

It was the day of my funeral.

Last night, he finally killed me.

He beat me to death.

If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him,

I would not have gotten flowers... today.

By Paulette Kelly

Although October is supposed to be Domestic Violence Awareness month, I don't think that it should stop there. If you know someone or see someone being abused in any way including psychically, emotionally, or sexually please help stop it from continuing. We need to be there for each other, not hurt one another nor allow it to happen.

Red Jumpsuit Aparatus - Face Down

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ux6SlOE9Qk&ob=av2e

It can change your life and it never even slows down.

I started out college with one goal in mind: get a degree in Psychology, figure out something to do with it, but make sure that the final outcome is something that I can help people in. For me, life isn't about making the most money or being the most well-known woman in the world, rather, it is to help people. After all these years of trying to figure out what I really want to do, I believe that I have figured it out.

This quarter I signed up for a Sociology class not really thinking about it. Since sociology is one of my minors, I had two more classes to fulfill before I was done, and this was one of them. The class I am talking about deals with the topic of Social Work, and overall, I couldn't be happier with my decision to take it. Throughout this quarter, I have learned more about the social work profession, and I realized that this is what I want to do with my life. I have always wanted to help people in their lives, and I hope that this is the way that I can really achieve this goal.

One of the class meetings that really made me realize that this was what I wanted to do was when we watched the episode from Oprah that focused on a program called "Challenge Day." Challenge Day is a program that promotes growth and creates bonds by having people that are diverse come together and share their stories, beliefs, and hardships with one another through group activities. On this specific day, the program visited a high school where there is a lot of racism and issues that students deal with that were never handled properly, and in some cases, not handled at all. Watching these students tell their stories, cry on each others' shoulders, and ask for help made me want to do the same thing, anything, to change the emotions that were being projected onto the screen. I realized in those moments, that this was what I wanted to do: to go to youth and help them realize that they are not alone with their struggles, and that they don't have to feel the way that they do.

From previous posts, I'm sure by now you can see that I am about building up self-esteem and loving yourself, and you can probably figure out what exactly my feelings were towards the video. I sat in my seat watching, holding back tears because of what I heard coming from these students- I wanted to help so badly. Sitting in class, knowing that this is how a simple video about an exercise effected me tells me that this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing, and I can't wait to be able to truly make a difference in at least one person's life.

Challenge Day

www.challengeday.org

Carrie Underwood - Wheel of the World

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgPQQ1YnYAw

While we've got the chance to say.

I'm supposed to be working on my finals right now, but I haven't done any work or put any thought towards them since Friday night. Even though hard work and finals are the closings that happens every year, I feel like it is the wrong way to spend the last few days with the people that I have grown to love and have welcomed into my life, since I won't see them for a few months.

I have shared my feelings, gone on adventures, and learned so much about others, and most importantly myself this year. I don't want it to end. This year's ending is very bittersweet, more-so than last year, which in some ways surprises me. Last year I befriended many more people on my floor, and in general, but it's most likely because I have become closer to the people that I hung out with this year as opposed to the ones from the last. I honestly never expected to become attached as much as I have to the group of friends that I now hold close to my heart. It might sound sappy, but it's true.

I loved being able to spend time with everyone, do new things, and go new places. But, don't get me wrong, it's not just the things we did, it's largely due to the things we shared with each other that I loved to be a part of. This year has been so much fun and has changed me in a way that I didn't think it would. I feel stronger, and happier because of it, which is in itself a wonderful thing for me. As much as I want this school year to end, I wish that we could stay longer and have the goodbye-for-nows that we truly deserve to give to one-another, instead of giving half-goodbyes through distracting clouds of finals.

But sadly, this ending closes another chapter in my life, which will take up a large chunk of it's book. To everyone that I know and love, I hope you have an amazing summer, wherever life is taking you for it, and I am looking forward to seeing you in the fall.

Thank you for being a part of my life now, and in the future.

Lindsay.

Kris Allen - Live Like We're Dying

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbfeSImDntw

I just haven't met you yet.

Location, location, location.

We look for someone that we can grow old with, or even someone that we can see ourselves with for at least the night, but we are stuck with the people that surround us. What about the people that are not immediately around us; what about the people that we have never met before or will never meet? Our soul mates are picked out from the area that we live in, and we feel like this is the only person that will complete us or that will love us for this moment, but in reality, there are so many more people that would fit that same bill, but because we have never met them, we will never know.

Let's think about it. High school: my graduating class had about 600 students, give or take, with over 2,000 students in the entire school. This number is huge, but we were basically confined to only this many peers to pick from to date- actually only half this number since we would be talking about a person of the opposite or same sex. Forward to college. The pool has now grown to over 25,000 students. Now, we have more than twelve times as many people to pick from, but this is still not everyone in the world.

What keeps us from meeting the person that might actually be a better fit than "the one" that you are with now? A city, school, state, country, or even ocean. Even so, it could be the person down the block that you have never even seen. We feel like the people who surround us now are the only people that we have to pick from, but this isn't true. As we grow, we meet new people, are put in new situations, jobs, cities, and are given an entirely new set of people to choose from. We are not restricted to the people who are sitting next to us at the moment, so don't think that you are going to be alone, because someone you meet on a trip to the mall, or on a vacation that is three states over could be the person that you fall in love with.

Michael Buble - Haven't Met You Yet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AJmKkU5POA

Spring Break

Spring break brought me work in the form of the Spring Break day camp at the park district of my hometown. The entire camp only lasted five days (and I didn't even get to work during the day for two of them), but I noticed some things during the time that I got to spend there.

The campers.

With every camp, there are different kids; some of the smiling/crying/whining/angry faces are the same from the time before, while most are completely new. I usually work with the same age ranges: first thru sixth grade, making it easy to know how that group of kids reacts to certain things and how I can keep them under control. However, this time, we were told that there was a kid who was in a wheelchair- this was all we were told before he came in on the first day of camp.

When he came in the room, we found out that he also couldn't talk, didn't really have the use of his hands, and was on the "slower" side (for lack of a better term at the moment). He had a talker box that he would press buttons and it would speak for him, and a helper. As a society, at least for the most part, when we see people like this, we feel like it is easier to just do things for them, like pick up something that is across the table, or write a letter for them, but with this guy, it was a little different. He couldn't talk, walk, or perform simple tasks, so he was forced to be taken care of, but everyone who worked with him was so patient. This morning, after I parked my car in front of the building where the camp was held, before I was even able to get out, I noticed his mom taking him out of the car and putting him in his wheelchair. I could tell from the brief interaction I had with her the day before and now that his mom actually works with him, trying to make him stronger and teach him how to do things. Not only does his mom do this, but she is also very patient with him, and never did she make a face when she had to help him into his coat or when he refused to walk about four feet to his wheelchair (he could somewhat walk, but only when he was practically being carried at the same time). I saw this and wished that we could all have empathy and patience like hers, and if we had this, we would probably get more done, and learn more from others. The simplicity of letting him take his time, allow the other campers to understand him, and give him room to become involved on his own showed that doing this makes everything for that person more enjoyable and fulfilling than doing it for them.

Saying goodbye every time.

Since I'm a camp counselor during the summer and for the seasonal camps, I am used to having the children and the people that I work with walk into my life from a period of a few days to just a handful of weeks at a time, and then waving goodbye and not seeing them for half a year or longer. However, even though I am so used to this, it leaves me with an empty feeling inside each time I have to say goodbye; you are become friends with people, but only for a few hours at a time, and then you don't even think about them until you see them the next day. I like being able to have the people that I get along with become a part of my life, even if we would just FaceBook every once in a while- more than the measly eight weeks tops that I get to spend with them. The up side to this though, is that I get to meet so many different people, but nothing compares to being able to see these people later on down the road, recognize each other, and be able to have a decent conversation because you genuinely care about hearing the update from the other person. I miss the people that I've worked with, good and bad (sorta the bad), and even though I know I will most likely see them over the summer, I still feel that emptiness that comes with having to say goodbye to them after the eight weeks are up.

It's funny, because I sometimes complain that it is exhausting to be around the kids in the camp and have to put in as much energy as I do into the day, but when I think about it, I realize that I really like it. Would I give up spending my summer days with the campers? No, I get to act like a kid when I'm around them, and I feel like I fit in with that age group better than my own anyways. Would I change the people that I work with every day? No, we've become a family. We know each other's weaknesses and where to help each other out, and we know where each other excels, and who does what the best. The parts that I don't like are the temper tantrums and not seeing the children and peers that I worked with until a year later, or not even at all after that camp. However, I get to learn from the people I work with, the parents, and the children that make up the camp. With all this: the complaining, the energy, and things that I put up with throughout the day, would I change my job? I leave this with a resounding no, I wouldn't change it at all.

The Price of Beauty Part 1

Jessica Simpson's The Price of Beauty

In this show, Jessica travels to a number of countries in order to learn what beauty, beauty for women, means in the different cultures. She is accompanied by her hair, makeup, and clothing stylist, Ken Paves, along with her friend CaCee Cobb. In each location that they travel to they have a "Beauty Ambassador," who teaches them about the definition of beauty in that country. The show is 30 minutes long, which means about 20 minutes of actual footage- let's see how the show goes...

Episode 1: Thailand

In the season opener, Jessica goes to Thailand with two friends, and the first thing that they do is get a Thai massage (this is supposed to help one have better posture). Then, they check in with their Beauty Ambassador, who takes them around a local flea market, tells them that eating bugs speeds up a person's metabolism. Next, the Ambassador talks about makeup, and tells them how having pale skin something that is wanted because being tan shows that you are a worker. In order to further her explanation of this and point out how bad this is for a person, she takes them to see a woman whose skin has been destroyed by chemicals that is used to bleach skin. After this, they go and meet with a Buddhist monk, who teaches the three of them that a true Buddhist believes that beauty comes from within. The last thing that they do, is visit the Karen tribe, where the women wear rings around their necks in order to elongate them, which is a sign of beauty and wealth. The three of them "try out" this ritual to understand it, and also get to see a girl having the rings put on for the first time.

My take:

This episode has a very slow start, with the continuing joke of how Jessica keeps wearing high heels, which if you watched the show, you would understand why it is humorous, but ridiculous at the same time. The first thing they do is get a massage, which might be part of the beauty regimen for women, but was unnecessary to the show and didn't really teach the audience anything about the culture. Throughout most of the episode, the three of them are giggling about the things that they are doing which comes off as somewhat offensive, with somewhat fleeting moments of them really taking everything in and understanding what it is that they are being taught. (However, surprisingly Ken is the only one who seems to be respecting the culture the most, having to shush the girls at some moments and being respectful of the people that they meet.) At the end of the episode, I feel like they begin to respect what they are doing and being shown, which is a good sign. I wish the episode was longer, and that they were able to do/show more things, but we can't have everything.

Well, we'll see what happens tomorrow night.

Sorry, I cannot hear you I'm kinda busy.

Finals week.

I've been walking around this entire week pretty much zoned out, not paying much attention to the people that I am friends with, and the people and things that I am surrounded by. I've been distracted by books, exams, and papers all for the sake of making that last grade count and not ruining the work that I have done all quarter and the points that I have racked up. But, on the way to the post office earlier this week, I realized that outside of myself, people are disconnected not because of finals, but because of technology.

Our necessity to be plugged into our MP3 players, our phones, computers, etc. is stopping us from looking around and seeing the things that are going on around us. When I was walking to the post office, music playing in my ears, I noticed a man walking towards me with his iPod playing in his too. We made eye contact, but I realized after we passed each other, that we weren't actually aware that we each "acknowledged" the other. Why was this? Because not only were we focused on getting to our destination, but we are distracted by the technology that now controls us.

I thought inventions and this growth of knowledge was supposed to be a good thing...

As distracting as technology and the new forms of communication are, it is tricky to try and narrow down whether or not its good or bad. While our cell phones allow us to keep constant communication with others, it also disconnects us. Our phones now allow us to check FaceBook, buy music and clothing with just the press of a button, text, and check emails among many other things. However, the second that we are in an area where our phone says "NO SERVICE" we are immediately cut off from the world that we knew, and have to relearn how to cope with our new surroundings without our security blanket. These issues don't only apply to the portable tech, but also the not-so-portable ones. We get back to our homes, and we sit down in front of a flashing computer, tv, etc. screen, causing us to communicate through another form of artificial communication instead of talking face to face. We would rather be able to sit in our pajamas IMing someone than visit them, substituting a blinking cursor for a real face. Too many times have I IMed someone who was just down the hall from me; it's too easy to sit in one place and be able to talk to five different people at once instead of getting up and visiting them.

We are surrounded by real people, but are alone at the same time because we don't know how to talk or act around others, all thanks to the technology that has stripped us of these social skills. Our generation has learned that friendship and talking mainly involves texts and FaceBook statuses, instead of the phone call off a land line or a doorbell ringing due to a visit from a friend.

So what are we going to do when we get home after our day? We're going to unplug one device for another. Goodbye MP3 player, hello iTunes and FaceBook.

Lady Gaga - Telephone

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVBsypHzF3U&feature=PlayList&p=C4B9C7326E087E89&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=1

Please Don't Leave Me.

[It takes time for us to find out who we are and need to be in order to have a good relationship with another person, but sometimes we lose ourselves along the way.]

We go into a relationship hoping that this time will be different, that it has to be better than the last. Every time it is the same; we like or even love a person, and make room for them in our lives so that they can be a part of who we are. Even though our intentions might be good, we usually end up losing a piece of ourselves, and sometimes several pieces that we might never be able to get back. Slowly, we can end up losing who we are, and what makes us the person we once were.

The way we hurt.

We put up with ideas, words, actions that we wouldn't put up with normally. If a friend were to do the same thing that the person you adore does, you probably wouldn't let it slide with the friend, but you would for the person you like just because you don't want to mess anything up. I know I have heard jokes, seen actions that I didn't like, but allowed it to slip by unmentioned because I didn't want to highlight the bad and stop liking the person, or worse, them stop liking me. That belief that you don't agree with, the comment on how you can't cook well, that slap across the face, all of this passes by "unnoticed" because you've become passive and don't want to rock the boat; it'll only happen this once, so it doesn't matter.

The things we sacrifice.

We stop being the person we are in order to fit whatever mold we think the other person will like. We give up little pieces of ourselves; change our hair, clothes, lifestyles, job opportunities, and even personalities. We stop talking to the people close to us because the significant other doesn't approve/like them, or they don't like the significant other. We cut ourselves off from people who could possibly end the romance that you've grown used to. We stop talking to friends and family, just to protect something that probably isn't healthy or won't last forever, given the fact that you've given up what brings you joy in order to fit into a less-happy mold.

The way we change.

We change by becoming quiet, depressed, angry, and any other feeling that isn't part of our normal vocabulary of emotions. Becoming a different person to please the other person is what we end up doing, but we hurt ourselves in the process. The other person is happy, but we are not, and we have become a shell of what used to be there; all that is left is a smile on the outside.

I just want to say before the end of this entry, that this doesn't always happen; relationships can be beautiful, but those are the relationships that we don't have to sacrifice who we truly are for. Relationships can be hard, and there is work involved, however, giving our own happiness for someone else's and losing ourselves is not what someone who truly loves you would, or ever should want.

Pink - Please Don't Leave Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eocCPDxKq1o

I'm Only Me When I'm With You.

"Well, who is the real you?"

"That's a good question..."

We all do it, we all act differently around different people, and in different situations. While around my close and/or best friends I am my goofy self, while at work I try to make sure I don't say the wrong thing, while around children I revert to my child-self where anything is possible, when I'm around someone I like I'm awkward, and around my family I'm quiet. Each situation, each person, every different surrounding that we come across and interact with brings out a different piece of us. This leads me to think: does anyone really know the real me?

There are so many different faces that each of us have, that it would be hard just to describe ourselves in a handful of words, let alone one sentence. I feel like there are so many different sides to who I am, that it would be hard for me to even figure out where to start. My likes are fairly simple: I like horror movies and bright colors, I like talking to my friends and hanging out with them, I like to flirt, and I like to laugh. All of these are things I enjoy, but does this really say anything about me? Can I be defined by my interests? No. While I am with my friends, I am loud, I am always cracking jokes and laughing, acting like a goofball, and usually not thinking before I act. When I am at work, 95% of the time I am thinking about my actions and words before I do and say them so that nothing is taken the wrong way. When I am with my family, I am quiet and keep to myself. So I go from loud and laughing to quiet, hmm...

The majority of the time spent with my friends is filled with lame jokes that I say, while there are times when I can sit down and have a heartfelt, thoughtful (almost philosophical) conversation with them. I feel like a lot of people don't know that I have actual thoughts, because this doesn't happen with a lot of my friends, and this adds to who I am/am not. I am thoughtful to my close friends, but not, and only a funny friend to others. I'm not offended because they don't see all of me, and so I understand how they see me in just that light.

Even through picking myself apart, if everyone sees me differently, how am I supposed to view myself? Do I act a certain way around myself just like I do with my friends and family? That's probably the biggest question posted in this entry.

I challenge you to look at yourself in the mirror for longer than the thirty seconds it takes to apply that mascara or the hair gel, and think about you who are. Think about what makes you you, and what that means to yourself.

Taylor Swift - I'm Only Me When I'm With You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlTfYj7q5gQ&feature=related

Forever & Always.

There are so many words in the English language, but there are certain words that have meanings that are constantly changing. We throw around words and phrases like I love you, forever, always, can't, never, I don't love you. We say these things to our friends, our family, people we almost never see, and the meanings behind these change every time we say them. While walking out of the door on his way to work, a husband can say to his wife "I love you" just out of habit, and even if he does mean it, he is not thinking of what he is really saying. While ending a relationship, someone might blurt out "I never loved you" because they are so hurt, but do they realize the power that the word never has behind it? We say these things every day, but why?

Three words, eight letters.

"I love you" is what I say to most of my friends when I'm on the phone, IMing them, or even leaving them a message on FaceBook. I do love my friends, and without them I don't know where I would be today, but sometimes saying this, has just become a habit. Saying this can mean so many different things to each person, some say it just cause the other person said it first and so they feel obligated to say it back, or they said it first and mean it with all their heart, or even that they just want to let the person know that they are special to them in some way. Hearing these words would make anyone feel wanted, and worthy, but if they had known that the person's complete feelings were not behind this statement, would the words have as much meaning?

One word, seven letters.

Forever is such a long time. Can it be counted in seconds, minutes, hours or years? Would a singular person's entire lifetime be considered forever? I saw a play last weekend where one of the pieces had dealt with this word. "She said, he said, that this would last forever." These words resonated with me then, and I'm still thinking about them now. Forever is romantic, and something that everyone should want, but it isn't something we can plan for and make happen. But even if we were to get that "forever," how long is it considered? This word is thrown around just like any other word. "I'll love you forever," "It's been forever since I've seen you!" With all these different uses, how can we even measure what forever is, and does the length change the meaning behind it?

Four words, twelve letters, one punctuation mark (excluding the period).

"I don't love you." When we say this, do we really mean it with our entire selves? Sometimes we say this jokingly, other times, people will hear it not being said as a joke, or they will be the ones saying it in such a way. This could be used to make someone laugh, or break someone's heart; it could make someone cry for days and still feel pain years later. How can four words have such an incredibly different meaning when used two different ways? This is how much meanings can change, whether you realize it or not.

One word, five letters.

"Never say never." Kind of ironic. We aren't supposed to say this, but yet we do. "I could never like someone like that." Wow, do you realize how heavy a statement that is? Never is an eternity of nothing of whatever you have refused. We use this word not realizing that once you say never, there is no turning back, because it means a definite, and infinite no. Instead, we say things like "I'll never try that food" or "I'll never take that class." We ultimately make a joke out of this word.

With all these different uses of these words, and combination thereof, we lose all sense of their meanings, except in those brief instances where we realize the full meaning behind them- but usually only for that moment. We turn words with so much importance into words that lack meaning, and sometimes end up not even having any at all. Before you say one of these things to someone, I want you to take a moment and reflect on what you're about to say. Before you say "I love you" think about what you actually mean. Are you saying I like you a lot more than I like anyone else, or are you saying that they have you with all of your heart? Before you say never think of all the future opportunities that you will be giving up, since after all, never is an awfully long time. Take the time, listen to what you are saying, and maybe you will be able to find the true definitions that these words, phrases, sentences, have to yourself.

Taylor Swift - Forever & Always

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFWUJyWYVPc&feature=channel

Too colorful to conceal.

We hide behind this mask of "perfection." What is this mask made up of? It's our clothes that we wear to hide our flaws and highlight the good parts, makeup, hairstyles, shoes, tans, diets, jokes and accessories. Why do we do this, hide what makes us different from each other, only to blend in? I thought we were supposed to stand out in the world, not get lost in it. We lose ourselves under this veil that we hide behind, and I don't know if most of us ever really find out who we are because of it. We try to fit in and be the same, even though we are not supposed to be. Those flaws that you are hiding might be that one thing someone loves about you, or that you love about yourself, but are too afraid to allow the world to see it.

Not only do we hide these pieces of us from the world, but we hide them from ourselves. I remember not ever wanting to look in the mirror, putting my clothes on so quickly that I couldn't see any of the parts of my body that weren't "normal" or attractive, but yet were, since this was when I was growing into the woman that I am supposed to be. I hid not only from the world, but from myself. I missed out on knowing myself and how I went from awkward teenager to the beautiful person I've grown to love. I remember buying makeup, which was merely eyeliner and mascara, but eventually never wanting to leave my house without it on, because I felt like it made me look better, not realizing that I already looked fine without it.

Our culture has turned to models and celebrities in order to figure out what we are supposed to look like, act like, be. These people who grace the covers and pages of magazines are "the best of the best" and "the pick of the litter." What we don't realize though, is that there will never be that person that everyone likes. While one model is gorgeous to one person, they might be hideous to the next. These people that we idolize and look up to are never perfect themselves. We watch them grow and change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. They are picked apart by the media who made them famous, take diet pills, tan, buy expensive makeup, clothes, and jewelry, hide behind their purses, have plastic surgery, take drugs, and sometimes have breakdowns. All of this is done to be accepted by the people who don't like them, sometimes resulting in the loss of the people who did to begin with. This is what we strive to be? They aren't perfect, just like people who don't make the amount of money they make, drive their cars, or live in their houses aren't perfect.

Until we realize this, we will all be hiding behind our masks that we wear everyday, all the time. I'm not going to lie and say that I don't have a mask of my own; I hide behind a hair style that makes me feel complete, and clothes that make me feel good about myself. Even though this is true, I mainly pull myself together every morning in order to feel good about myself when I look in the mirror- I want to like what I see, but as much as I say it is for myself, it is also so I can be accepted, at least somewhat, by the people around me. I hope to be able to feel so comfortable in my own skin that I don't have to spend time on my hair and worry about my clothes, be able to lay around all day and not care if anyone stops by and have to take the time to look in the mirror before I open the door. Loving ourselves is a life-long process, and because of this, we will never be completely satisfied with who we are, but we need to learn to love who we are for ourselves, and not for anyone else.

Caitlin Crosby - Imperfect is the New Perfect

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fli8UpFcpQw

The way I loved you.

So, lately I've been thinking- a lot. I've been thinking about things that have happened, what could have happened, and what could still happen. These thoughts race and I come up with questions that I don't have answers to, and because of this, I don't know what to do with the questions. Do I ask my friends and family how they would answer them? Do I write them down and leave them in a journal to never be answered? Or, do I post them up for people to ponder themselves, and share their ideas. I don't know which option to pick, but I guess I've picked the third one. I'll start with just one.

What made you like and/or fall in love with that certain person? Even if you aren't with them; if you're watching them from afar, if you're holding their hand right now, or if you were with them, but aren't anymore. Was it their laugh their smile, their looks, their personality, what they were wearing, how they smelled, what they said and how they said it? I don't know if I could answer this question myself, and because of this, I never like to ask the question, but eventually I want to answer it, just like that person answered it for me.

For me, I'd like to say that the reason I noticed you wasn't just how attractive you are, (I'd like it to be a little more romantic than that) but I can't say that. However, I also can't say that it was the only thing I noticed. It was your smile, your sense of humor, the things we bonded over- even if they are odd, but these are the things I first noticed. Over time I've come to somewhat know your quirks, the way you respond to certain things, and the way you show your emotions and how wear them on your face. Do I know everything about you? No, not even close, but this is why we're all given so much time to know each other: in order to find out things about each other on our own time- there's no rush.

You told me what you liked about me, and didn't ask the question back. That's okay though, I wouldn't have known how to answer. You said you liked me for who I am, not who I'm supposed to be, and for that I'm thankful. I can finally say that someone accepts me for who I am and know that I don't have to change.

I don't know where to go from here, or what to do, which by now is probably pretty apparent. Because of this, I have these questions, but no way to answer them. I might not know everything, but I'm not afraid to admit it. I am always looking for a way to find the answers that I am searching for.

Taylor Swift - The Way I Loved You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvJubjcx2tc