Why did I have to go through all this to get to this point in my life? I've asked myself this question so many times, but I keep reminding myself of one thing: I wouldn't be where I am now, or who I am, without the things that I've gone through. I won't make myself a sob story, nor will I say I've had the roughest life, because I know I haven't. What I will do right now is share a little bit about my growing up and how I've gotten to the point that I have.
By the time I was in Kindergarten my parents were divorced; they fought all the time, and most of my childhood has been lost to the black-hole that is my memory, most likely lost so that I don't remember. My brothers and I would go over to my father's house every weekend, and this was usually the only time that we got to see him over the week. I remember crying every time my dad dropped me off at elementary school, without fail, and thinking how that might be the last time I would get to see him- grim I know, but it's what I feared. I grew up with yelling and fighting, a bad relationship with my mother, and then a loss of a relationship with my dad. This is my life in a nutshell.
Lately I've been asking myself why I had to go through all of this. As I said earlier, it could have been worse, but this is what I've gone through and this is what has made me who I am. Until recently I was afraid of getting married, looking at it as simply a warning to get a prenup and something that would soon end in two people splitting their assets up in a courtroom. In addition to this, I saw kids as small people that would get hurt from the breakup of their parents. At the moment, I'm indifferent to marriage and children- whatever happens, happens is my motto right now. But I've seen a certain side of these topics, and because of that it's molded my viewpoint in this way.
Even though this is how I grew up during my childhood, I've grown up in the years after elementary and middle school. After beginning to find myself, I got to make choices of my own. I ultimately chose what I would do in the day (be it a good choice or bad) and who I would end up being friends with in addition to simply who I would meet.
There was one guy that I met who told me he didn't want to be friends with me because I was ugly. There were friends that lied to me about parties that I wasn't invited to. There were people that didn't take me seriously or just pretended that I didn't ask whatever it was that I asked. There were people that told me no, and to move on. There were people who made me feel bad by making fun of me or even those that told me I didn't matter and called me names.
I am aware that those instances were bad, but there is a reason for that and it is simply because these people have made me stronger. The one who called me ugly made me realize I'm beautiful, the ones that lied showed me who my real friends were, the ones that ignored me made me be louder, the ones that told me no showed me there is more than I thought, and the ones that called me names taught me how to deflect.
The ones that have given me the hardest times are the ones that have helped me be the strongest. If it weren't for these people, if it weren't for the experiences that I have gone through, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. The person writing in this blog wouldn't be here, and these thoughts would be shared by someone else, or perhaps, wouldn't even be shared at all. Do I wish that I hadn't had to go through some of the things that I have, seen some of the things I've seen, or know those that have hurt me? Yes, I can't sit here being honest and lie about that, but I can honestly say that, at the same time, I'm happy to have been put through these things. I wouldn't be the person that I am, I wouldn't be where I am, and I wouldn't have the dreams, the wants, or the will to do things that I have now. I wouldn't have the fight in me, the strength, or the beliefs that I have today without all of these experiences.
I remind myself every day that I am happy for what I've gone through, no matter how bad it was, is, or will get because I know one thing: that without these experiences I wouldn't be the person that I have come to love, nor would I be as proud of myself as I am sitting here now, as you read this.
Glee Cast - Dog Days Are Over (Glee Version)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxLgE2UEWPc&feature=related